My Immortal
by Nikita6
Summary: A different take on season two.


My Immortal  
  
by Nikita  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, just the idea for this story.  
  
Distribution: if you want it, you can use it, just let me know.  
  
Summary: A spin on how things went and how they might have affected Buffy.  
  
Notes: This is my first published attempt at fanfic so keep that in mind as you read this. I would appreciate any constructive criticism. Hope you enjoy this and thanks for taking the time to read it.  
  
*song is "My Immortal" by Evanesence*  
  
'I'm so tired of being here. Suppressed by all my childish fears.'  
  
The life of a slayer is never easy. She lives solely to kill. In the end, she will be killed and another will rise to take her place, only to fall as well. It's the cycle. One dies and another is called. So why am I holding onto life so hard? It would be so much easier to let go. To let another come and clean up my mistakes. She could too, you know. She wouldn't have the emotional ties that I do. She wouldn't look into the eyes of a murderer and whisper words of adoration. She for sure wouldn't be lying here in the arms of her very evil boyfriend.  
  
'And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave'  
  
Boyfriend. That was an odd word for me now. Angel had been my salvation. He had loved me just as I was. It didn't matter to him that I was a slayer. He looked past the calling and saw the girl.   
  
'Cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone'   
  
We had fallen in love despite the fact that I was a slayer and he was a vampire. He was dark, I was light. It didn't matter to us. I had finally found someone who would love me and protect me and above all understand me. He had found the same and he knew I accepted him as he was. He never had to act for me.  
  
'These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just to real. There's just to much that time cannot erase.'  
  
I began having dreams. Dark and horrific dreams. All of them involved Angel dying. I began staying awake so I wouldn't have to see what death awaited him in my dreams. I did eventually have to sleep and that's when the worst one came. I ran to him after that one and he hugged me, kissed me and reassured me. For the first time, his words were unable to comfort. I knew I was gonna lose him.   
  
'When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all your tears.'  
  
The night of my seventeenth birthday, we learned that Drusilla was reassembling the judge and once he was whole, the earth was doomed.  
  
'When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears.'  
  
We had gotten a box that held his arm. I had been stupid enough to just open it right up. The arm literally raised out of the box and the hand grabbed my throat and began choking me. Angel helped me pry it off and stuff it back in the box. Giles was worried but tried to play it off. Jenny couldn't keep her hands still and Angel just stared at the box. I felt something coming. The way they were looking, the tension that had settled on the air. Something had to be seriously wrong.  
  
'And I've held your hand through all of these years and you still have all of me.'  
  
Jenny then proceeded to tell Angel that he was the only one who could take the box. Angel just stood there and nodded his head in agreement. My dream was coming true.   
  
'You used to captivate me with your resonating light.'  
  
I walked with Angel to the docks. I was so lost. I was losing the one person that I leaned on, that I relied on. I was losing my best friend. I loved him. He was me world and he was leaving, possibly never to return. How would I ever survive this? How would I be strong enough to let him go?  
  
'But now I 'm bound by the life you left behind.'  
  
Standing in front of the boat, Angel gave me my birthday present. A ring. It was so beautiful. He explained to me that the symbols each stood for something. The hands represented friendship, the crown stood for loyalty and the heart represented love. He actually had just smiled when he came to the heart and told me that I knew what it meant. He then placed it on my finger showing me that I needed to wear it with the heart pointing towards me to show that I belonged to someone.  
  
'Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams.'  
  
We'd been ambushed and had the box taken from us. Am I evil for not being too sorry about that happening? Angel wouldn't be leaving me now. We had gone to the factory to see how far along the judge was only to be captured by Spike and Drusilla. We managed to escape back to the apartment. We couldn't ignore the passion anymore and we made love. That moment was so perfect. I'd live through the pain I'm dealing with now all over again just to be able to have that time with him.   
  
'Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me.'  
  
That perfect moment is now ruined. We didn't know that Angel's soul would leave if he experienced one moment of true, perfect happiness. That night he did and hell came to earth. Without his soul, I quickly learned he was not only an entirely different person, he was completely evil. Angelus had been poised to take over the planet . Darla feeding him that gypsy girl saved us. The first week he was in control, it was almost as if he needed to make up for lost time. The body count skyrocketed and there was nothing I could do about it. You see, he still loved me. He still craved me and I knew I'd die without him. What was a girl supposed to do in a situation like this? As much as he craved me, I craved him. I love him. I just needed to make a choice.   
  
'I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone'  
  
No one will ever understand us. No one will ever accept us. Not in my world anyway. I can cross to his though and we could be together forever. We could be great together. The most powerful beings in existence. I'd have my lover and mate for all eternity and the world would get a new hero. A girl with no ties, no past love to cloud her judgement. She would focus on getting rid of the threat. As I lay here in his arms, he caresses me, whispers how much he loves me. He knows the decision I am fighting with. He is after all the one who put it to me. When the time comes for me to make my choice, it will be my decision. Not his, not my friends, not moms. Mine. I am still not ready to let go yet. I can sense though that the time is quickly coming when I will have to decide. In that moment, it will be up to me whether I stay with my love or walk away from him. In the end, loneliness truly is the scariest thing. With Angelus by my side I know I'll never be lonely again. To me, that's enough. The world will gain a new warrior and then it will fall before us. That day is far off, but I intend to be here to see it. Where will you be?  
  
'And though you're still with me, I've been alone all along.' 


End file.
